From heaven to Hell.....

You show me heaven,
but soon you show me hell.
Even a few days back
I thought all was well.

You vent out all your anger
on me this is so unfair.
I told you it aint my fault,
but you would'nt even care.

I think i dont deserve
to be treated this way.
My love for you is true,
its not a toy to play.

My wave of trust,
which you frequenty betray.
my mind is very confused
do i leave or do i stay.

The initial intimacy
and the passion is all lost.
Why do the selected few
resurface from your past.

All i seek is truthfulness
and all i seek is love.
You always end up hurting me
I cant decipher how.

I thought we'd lead our
lives forever together.
You say you dont think
that we are made for each other.

Everytime i tell myself,
'You will find the right way'.
but now i've got to decide,
Do i leave or Do i stay......

p.s: This poem was written by me this afternoon in college. It is a very harsh persiod in life for me right now. But still, on a lighter note, try singing this in the tune of "The Wicker Man" by iron maiden. It fits jus right... pure coincidence...

Quantum Mechanics....

One thing thats common between me and Albert Einstein (and probably the only thing) is that i hate Quantum Mechanics too. He once said "God does not play dice". All these days i abhored quantum mechanics for two reasons : 1. Like Einstein, i too do not belived in the fact that the universe will be governed by uncertainities and probabilities in the sub atomic level. 2. Its too complex for me.
However, i recently read a book called "Black Holes & Baby Universes" by Stephen Hawking. He had made a groun breaking theoritical discovery that black holes are not really black. They actually radiate energy - they are 'evaporating'.
Now how is this possible? According to quantum mechanics, empty space is not actually 'empty'. There is continuous formation of matter and antimatter and these annihilate each other releasing energy. This has also been proved experimentally by observing what physicists call 'Lamb shift'.
In the vicinity of the black hole's event horizon (event horizon is that boundary around the black hole beyond which you can not escape the gravitational force of it) these matter- antimatter interactions take place. It is possible that one of these particles might be pull into the black hole and the other will be flung out, thus it will seem as though the radiations are coming out of the black hole. This is one explanation.
Another explanation, and this is the one that really impressed me, is that, according to quantum mechanics, It is impossible to accurately find the position and velocity of a particle simultaneously. This is called heisenberg's uncertainity principle. Thus, when a particle is inside the blackhole, its position is certain because its a singularity. However, the velocity of the particle is not. Thus its velocity can be anything, even more than the velocity of light! and hence it can actually escape the gravitational field of the blackhole!
After realising this, i really started liking quantum mechanics a lot because i have always felt that the speed of light cant be a barrier. Quantum mechanics has really captured my attention. I really hope that one day we can travel faster than light....

Her hands....

Have you ever seen a girl
with such beautiful hands,
that you could'nt stop staring,
staring at her hands.

I saw them,
and i was mesmerized.
I could'nt blink,
I could'nt turn away.

There were three gorgeous
golden rings on her hands.
The rings did'nt add beauty to those fingers,
the fingers added beauty to the rings.

They were so fair and smooth,
I only wished i could take them in mine.
I dont love her
but i love her hands....

Funeral For A Friend / Love Lies Bleeding....

I have not been posting for a long time now... I have been both mentally disturbed and busy with many activities.....
Firstly... one of my friends died due to cancer. I attended his funeral. And many things became clear to me that day and i've been very disturbed mentally. Even though he was not a very close friend the impact it had on me was phenomenal. He was only 19 years old... Someone who had dreams and ambitions just like us... who wanted to enjoy life just like us... who wanted to grow old and experience all the good things in life.... Everything shattered....
The doctors diagnosed him with bone marrow cancer when we had our 12th std board examinations.... Like many others in school, i had no clue... only a few of his close friends knew... infact i dint know he even had cancer till he died...
There are many observations that i made in the funeral....
In any indian funeral, one may find the following kind of people....

1. Those people who are really overwhelmed with sorrow, like close relatives and friends who cry their heart out..
2.Those frail hearted ones who are actually crying bcos of fear having seen the dead body..
3.The indifferent ones like distant relatives and assholes who want coffee but dunno whom to ask....
4. People like me who are terribly upset but too strong hearted to cry...
5. People who console other who are crying... and then secretly hide somewhere and cry....

I realised that life is so uncertain... Extending on Werner Heisenberg's uncertainity principle - " Its impossible to predict the extent of ones life and the direction in which it would go at any given time"

Secondly... my mom always used to say, "Love a person who loves you"
I realised its true implications only recently.... It works like this :
If you are in love with someone and express it to them... and only after that that person actually falls in love with you, the probability that that person will love you as much as you love that person is very very low... and when that same person had fallen in love with someone else before and due to unfortunate reason had to break up, the probability that that person will not love you as much as that person used to love that other person whom that person fell in love before is phenomenal...
Now i am the person who fell in love and expressed and the person i am in love is that other person... I realised this fact almost 9 months into the relationship... and i have been quite depressed..It hurts even more when the people from her past keep resurfacing from time to time.......
Well... Thats all of my bragging as of now.... And SAVITHA... if your reading this, Miss u a lot... hope you are doing fine....