A Change Of Sesons...

It is quite surprising how so many things can change in just one year... I have been around for 18 new year eves.... but this is the only year where i feel i have actually grown wiser... Situations and circumstances have made me stronger... This year sure was a very long one...
To start with, I had 3 semester exams in all this year! But thats not what made me wise anyway (come on! semesters? making people wise??!)... I realised doing engineering was nothing but a way to waste four years of your life... I have had my share of happy and sad moments... I have made my share of mistakes and good deeds... but this feeling... the feeling of becoming wiser, its very new to me... and it instills confidence and strength in me....
I am reminded of a song called "A Change OF Seasons" by my favourite band "Dream Theater" now... It revolves around a man, who is very innocent at first.. and later goes through a lot of things and finally says he is wiser now... The lyrics and music is such that... each emotion is portrayed as a different season... It truly is one hellova song...

I. The Crimson Sunrise
(Instrumental)

II. Innocence
I remember a time
My frail, virgin mind
watched the crimson sunrise
Imagined what it might find
Life was filled with wonder
I felt the warm wind blow
I must explore the boundaries
Transcend the depth of winter's snow
Innocence caressing me
I never felt so young before
There was so much life in me
Still I longed to search for more
But those days are gone now
Changed like a leaf on a tree
Blown away forever
into the cool autumn breeze
The snow has now fallen
and my sun's not so bright
I struggle to hold on
with the last of my might
In my den of inequity
viciousness and subtlety
struggle to ease the pain
struggle to find the sane
Ignorance surrounding me
I've never been so filled with fear
All my life's been drained from me
The end is drawing near....

III. Carpe Diem
'Carpe diem, seize the day'
I'll always remember
The chill of November
The news of the fall
The sounds in the hall
The clock on the wall ticking away
'Seize the Day'
I heard him say
Life will not always be this way
Look around
Hear the sounds
Cherish your life while you're still around

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying."

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there may not be one
The words stuck in my mind
alive from what I've learned
I have to seize the day
To home I returned
Preparing for her flight
I held with all my might
Fearing my deepest fright
She walked into the night
She turned for one last look
She looked me in the eye
I said, 'I Love You...Good-bye'

"It's the most awful thing you'll
ever hear."
"If you're lying to me..."
"Oh, you dearly love her."
"...just have to leave... all our lives."
"Seize the day!"
"Something happened.
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."
"She was killed."

IV. The Darkest of Winters
(Instrumental)

V. Another World
So far or so it seems
All is lost with nothing fulfilled
Off the pages and a T.V. screen
Another world where nothing's true
Tripping through the life fantastic
Lose a step and never get up
Left alone with a cold blank stare
I feel like giving up
I was blinded by a paradise
Utopia high in the sky
A dream that only drowned me
Deep in sorrow, wondering why
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Then string him up for all the world to see
I'm sick of all you hypocrites
holding me at bay
And I don't need your sympathy
to get me through the day
Seasons change and so can I
Hold on Boy, No time to cry
Untie these strings, I'm climbing down
I won't let them push me away
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don't let him be
Let's feed upon his misery
Now it's time for them to deal with me

VI. The Inevitable Summer
(Instrumental)

VII. The Crimson Sunset
I'm much wiser now
A lifetime of memories
run through my head
They taught me how
for better or worse, alive or dead
I realize there's no turning back
Life goes on the offbeaten track
I sit down with my son
Set to see the Crimson Sunset
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
Many years have come and gone
I've lived my life, but now must move on
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
He is my only one
Now that my time has come
Now that my life is done
We look into the sun
'Seize the day and don't you cry,
Now it's time to say good-bye
Even though I'll be gone,
I will live on, live on.'

Democracy..... A little over stressed?...

After what seemed to be a very long time, I had in my possession the remote control of the idiot box. I have no time for the Tv nowadays, and with the Conditional Access thingy, all my favourite channels gone, there is no point in watching the Tv anyway.
However, I did end up getting the remote control somehow. Like any teenager of this age, I started surfing the channels too, not bothering to stay put on one channel for no more than five seconds, no matter what was being telecasted.
One thing i did notice was the fact that many of the channels which have these reality shows going on such as - Jodi no.1, Launch pad or whatever crap.... all of them had this thing called "SMS VOTING".... The viewers are supposed to vote for the best contestant through SMS.
I dont get the point! They have well qualified judges, who know the stuff that is going on. What is the necessity of this SMS thingy?! I do appreciate the concept of audience participation that these channels are trying to promote. However, the worst part of it is, one can vote any number of times! Hence, this gives the contestant the advantage of voting for himself or herself any number of times and also make his/her relatives and friends vote many number of times, which is not democracy at all....
Looking at this from another point of view..... It was AIRTEL that sponsored 'Super Singer', and some other reality shows are being sponsored by leading mobile phone companies too.. Hence this whole SMS voting thing could be nothing but an eyewash and intended as a publicity stunt by the mobile phone companies, which means the people are being fooled... Thus it fails the purpose both ways AND makes the concept of having popular personalities as judges for the show totally absurd.... Democracy is good when it is real... not when it is just an illusion...
Either way, both the sponsoring company and the channel make good money.. and it does'nt hurt to send one SMS... everyone is happy in the end... which brings us to another question..'Why did i blog about this in the first place??' I do not know the answer to that one!

It lurks....

Its been two years now......
I can still see everything so clearly in my mind as if it all happened only yesterday...
I can still see him write 'Parasurama' on the sand...
I can still see the water rushing in...
I can still feel the thorns pricking my feet...
I can still hear the kids scream...
I can still see the face of that fisherman...
I can still hear the rushing water break open the gates...
I can still feel the rush...
I can still sense the panic...
I can still find solace in that one moment of realisation...
I can still not believe it actually happened...
I can still not understand why i am alive...

I am trying my best to forget it... But i guess i never really can...
Somethings can never be forgotten... they will always lurk in some corner in your memories...